He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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