Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
