dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
