I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
