Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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