Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
