I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
