How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
