I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
