Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This house was built for laser tag.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize