It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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