We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
