I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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