with your own penis?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize