Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
