he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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