if only i could text you this smell
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
