Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
