weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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