saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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