I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dignity is for republicans.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
