Pregnant stripper...not hot.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want to make out with him forever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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