The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
