oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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