I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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