arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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