I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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