im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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