So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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