think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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