i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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