How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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