You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
