no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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