Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
