so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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