my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
