Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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