Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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