i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize