just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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