I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
