She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And then he peed in my hair
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