Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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