i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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