dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
