Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
