Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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