It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this boner is exhausting
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize