thus making me awesome and them whores
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
