I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
