this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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