i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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