So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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