i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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