dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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