i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
