she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
