READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
