That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
