My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Randomize
