I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
