Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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