i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
