I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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