i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
