I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
